FINDING THE WIFE...

"He who finds a wife, finds a good thing... and obtains favour with the Lord."

Many of us know that scripture backwards and have probably heard hundreds of different sermons around it.  This weekend, I had one of my own revelations, and I thought I'd share it in the hope that it helps somebody out there.

During a conversation a few months before I got married, a friend who was preparing for marriage too, shared with me that he had heard it said that "FINDING A WIFE DOESN'T END" one you get married.  It is an on-going process as you need to "Find the wife inside your partner" everyday.

I realised then that it would be my responsibility as a husband to do my best to constantly be mining the hidden treasure inside my wife and bringing it to the surface. This was never going to be easy, and I immediately enlisted the help of the Holy Spirit to teach me how to do that.  I'm learning all the time how to do it more and more.

This weekend I had a light bulb moment as my wife stood on a platform in front of a couple of hundred women at a ladies conference to share her testimony. (#Beautiful2014)

It was another first for her, but as usual, she rose to the occasion and soared.  Jesus was glorified, lives were impacted and once again we were reminded that God always has a perfect plan.

This opportunity was the fulfilment of a vision Arlene had before we were even engaged.  She had seen in her mind, a picture of herself on a stage with a microphone in her hand and wasn't sure what it meant.  When she had the experience, she immediately enrolled for singing lessons because she thought that she would sing one day.  I however, told her at the time that she shouldn't be surprised if the vision wasn't referring to singing but rather speaking. She laughed it off and didn't really believe that it could possible be true.

Here's the lesson:

So as everyone celebrated her and received her talk so openly. A still, small voice inside me said "well done husband". 
And then a question popped up in my mind.  "How would I react in this moment if I hadn't believed that she was capable of this?"
From the question, I moved to an emotion best described as "Shew... thank God I saw it first".  I was extremely grateful. I had seen the potential in her before so many others.  I had spoken it over her and affirmed her before she even dreamed it possible. 
Actually, GOD SAW IT FIRST... but because my prayer is always that He would lead her through me, He allowed me to see what He saw, and allowed me to verbalise it.  Now that is absolutely amazing.  He allowed me to speak it over her and see it come to past.  I have now become so much more mindful of the words I speak over my wife.

As a husband,  I would have had to hang my head in shame if I didn't believe in her before it all happened.  Nothing is more rewarding than being able to say "I told you so - because God said so."

Arlene really didn't need my approval to do what God has called her to do, but I thank God for allowing me to see His plan for her.  It was absolutely amazing to see her step into an anointing which was ordained specifically for her. 

So as a husband, I am more determined now to keep finding the wife within her.  Every time another milestone is reached, a new treasure is discovered.  I know there is still so much more undiscovered treasure, untapped potential.  Help me Lord to be your miner.  Help me to find the wife inside her all the time.


Be encouraged,
D

Broken headphones can SPEAK! A simple little lesson.

As many of you know, I host the morning breakfast show on RainbowFM 90.7 daily from 6-9am.  I enjoy every minute on air with my two crazy co-hosts but it doesn't come without some challenges. 
Waking up early is still the hardest part for me and most mornings I am thankful that it is radio and not TV.

 



A Real challenge we experienced recently was one that affected our show more than we realised.  One of the knobs that controls the headphone volume at one of the seats was broken and resulted in one of us not being able to hear when we were 'On AIR'.  It was extremely frustrating for whoever ended up at that seat because that person was expected to just "make do without it".  We tried to turn the knob differently, or increase the in studio volume in attempt to have some of the sound bleed through but it was more trouble than it was worth and we eventually just resorted to getting by without it until it was fixed.  Technicians would come and have a look at it whenever they could. There was no urgency from their side.

I would occasionally pick the phones up and hope for a miracle but it just wasn't happening and so I made peace with it and forgot about using it too. And so for about a week or two they just lay there on the counter and we all just pretended that those headphones were not even there.

But then last week, something amazing happened... I tried the phones again and ... IT WORKED.  I could hear clearly. And I could turn the knob again to control my volume. 
I was so excited and couldn't wait to announce to the rest of the team that it had been fixed, but they were hardly even moved by my emotion.  Thato's response was "Oh ja, it's been working for like two days already... it's been fixed."

AND THEN THE LESSON HAPPENED. . .

I had just missed out on about 2 days worth of good quality sound because I had become so used to a certain other "noise".  I had settled for the mediocre "sound" and had started accepting the negative report the situation had presented us with.  I had given up on checking the progress of the repairs, or checking for an improvement and had stopped expecting a change. 

How often don't we do that in life?  We stop putting on our "LIFE HEADPHONES" to hear more.  We become so used to all the noise and voices coming at us.  We used to be able to filter the good ones from the bad ones in order to hear what we needed to, but after a while everything just sounds so overwhelming that we just STOP LISTENING ALTOGETHER.  And that's the dangerous part...

By being apathetic we miss out on some important things we need to hear.  We don't hear reminders of some of the promises we'd already received.  We don't hear the alarms signalling time to take action for some important things we need to do.  We don't hear the cries for help from those who may be standing right in front of us screaming at the top of their lungs; and we even stop hearing the still small voice that gives direction, peace and instruction. 

I have found myself having to put my headphones back on recently.  I have had to do that in order to drown out some wrong background noise again in order to focus on hearing correctly so that I can be 'On Cue' all the time and bring my 'A-Game'.  I have needed to turn up the volume when I replayed some of those previous promises.  I've had to hear them LOUD & CLEAR again in case I had forgotten.

Although some of the sounds are the same as before, you'd be surprised at how you might just hear some new details for the first time...

TAKE THE TIME TO LISTEN AGAIN...

Be Encouraged.
D

Something I can NEVER be.

She walked through the door yesterday and immediately commented on the lovely smell of food that dominated the whole house. It was one of my first attempts at making a meal that required some real cooking skills, and when she complimented me, I attributed the ability to make a good cabbage stew to my dad who had made it so often while I was growing up. As usual, I was sensitive to the fact that she no longer has a dad.

The conversation swiftly moved to something she was burning to share with me all day. Her eyes lit up (as they always do when she is passionate about something) as she literally preached a mini sermon to me about being "pregnant with purpose".  Every word she spoke resonated deep within me but I continuously found myself having to fight the distracting thoughts and questions that flooded my mind while I was trying to stay engaged in the conversation. Her beauty still captures me and my appreciation for her depth grows daily but a quick little chat like the one from last night leaves me in such awe of the helper God has chosen for me. 

Hours after I have meditated on her words which re-ignited purpose, I find myself pondering about the one question that often leaves me feeling a very familiar and insatiable emotion.
WHAT WOULD HER PARENTS THINK IF THEY SAW HER NOW? I ask myself this question so often and although I can never give a convincing answer that will put it to rest forever, I manage to gather up enough faith to know beyond the shadow of a doubt they would have no choice but to be nothing but exceptionally proud of the woman she is today. 

I am almost able to move on from that question quite easily but the sequel question keeps me meditative for a much longer period. WHAT WOULD THEY THINK OF ME?

She raises that discussion on numerous occasions when she misses them, and often our conclusions match whatever the mood is when we talk about it, but this time a new reality dawned on me.  I realise for the first time that there is a role in my life I will NEVER experience.  I will never be a "SON-IN-LAW".  That feeling leaves me feeling a bit incomplete.

I can't help but wonder what kind of Son-in-Law I would have been to her parents.  Would I have won her mom's heart? Would I have earned her dad's respect?  Would I behave differently in certain situations if the daily mom and daughter chats or weekend trips to her folks was commonplace? Would I work harder to prove myself worthy of the honour of loving her (my wife) as Christ loves the church? Would I be intimidated by the knowledge that daddy is watching to see how I treat his little girl and would I be working endlessly at preventing her mom from uttering words of disapproval in her choice of a husband?

While I do live with an awareness that she is God's daughter first, and He is always watching; a part of me still feels a bit robbed of an opportunity to make my mark in an area so many strive to please in.  Though it seems at times that the eyes of the world are watching to see how I fair as a husband, I will never experience the affirmation I have worked to attain since I was still just a boy.  The lovely remarks from moms with available daughters and the invites to braais from dads who wanted to check me out as a potential candidate for their princesses was but only a foretaste of the accolades I was determined to earn. 

I am a great brother, a model son, a selfless friend... and tons of other ego-inflating titles have been bestowed upon me as a result of my interaction with people, but I will never wear the feather in my "son-in-law cap".  And when I see that she has no real parental connection with any of her other family members, the reality sets in and my awesome responsibility becomes reiterated. 

My only - and I mean ONLY obligation is to God! My love for my wife is my worship and service to Him.  It encompasses all of what He has created me to be, all of what He has called me to do, and all of what He has equipped me with in order to be the man He has needs me to be. 

I will never be a SON-IN-LAW; but I will always be a SON-IN-GRACE.  Amazing Grace!  The kind of Grace that empowers me with all it takes to be all I am meant to be... And without the pressure of having to be a son-in-law; I have no excuse. I have to be the best Son-in-Grace I could possibly be.

Today I have a new goal to add to my list of life goals. Help me Jesus!

 Be inspired;
D

KEEP WRITING - and let the pen be your teacher.

Yesterday, a good friend challenged me to get moving and get another blog post out. The words she used was "Keep Writing". I immediately started thinking about what to "write about" and started looking around for something to inspire me and within a few minutes, I found myself sitting and playing with the PEN that was on my desk. And then the inspiration came. The Pen taught me some lessons - well, TWO PENS actually.

Pen number 1 is my "everyday pen". It is cheap and as you can see by the refill, the ink level is dropping all the time. It can't hide what is inside it. A simple look at this pen can tell us exactly what condition it is in. "We can see right THROUGH it." And we'll be able to tell when it's time to let it go or when it will no longer be able to serve a purpose.

 

Something great about this pen though, is that it will be pretty easy to simply replace the refill and continue using it for a long time.

 

 

Then there is pen number 2. I honestly don't even know how this pen got to my desk, or if it even belongs to me. I literally just grabbed it out of the holder on the desk to take down a message because there wasn't another pen close by.

 

This pen is very "good looking", has a lovely pattern all around and even has five little diamante to give it a nice finish. It looks expensive and would obviously have been given as a gift.

 

 

The problem though, is that this pen is not really practical for everyday use. There is also no way of changing the refill once the ink runs out. So it's life span is completely dependant on how long the refill lasts. we obviously don't know just how long that will be and can only hope that the manufacturer has used a refill that will last for a long time.

 

 

Which of the two pens best reflects you?

 

As we already know, each of these pens obviously appeal to different writers. Each of them are comfortable with who they are and simply serve the purpose they were created for.

 

By simply looking at the two of them next to each other, we can't necessarily tell which one has more to give and which one will ultimately be most effective. But we know that while one has the assurance of being able to constantly be refilled, the other only has one load of ink. For pen number 1, there is also no guarantees that refills will always be available.

 

When you consider your life today, think about this:

There are no guarantees. What is inside of you needs to be used up in the lifespan allocated to it. The outside doesn't really matter. What matters most is being the pen that is needed in the defining moment when something needs to be "written". .. Written in black ink, or perhaps in blue. Your ink may be a special talent, a great idea, a dream or certain acts.

 

It is important to be the pen you were designed to be. Be effective in your role and help deliver the message you were placed here to deliver. There is no guarantee that you will be needed forever, or be able to be used forever. All you have is the time in the writer's hand which is allocated to you as the writer sees fit. MAKE IT COUNT.

 

Be encouraged,

D

 

 

 



The solution to smelly armpits.

November has been quite an interesting month for me. A lot has happened and I have spent a whole lot of time reflecting on so many things. One of the thoughts I'd like to share was inspired by these and other perfume bottles:

It's so interesting to see how much value is placed on fragrances. My best friend had a fragrance themed birthday party a few years ago and needed various fragrances for décor. Some of his closest friends simply refused to even bring theirs along to the party because they were simply not prepared to take the risk of the bottles falling and breaking, or too many people being keen to "test" their fragrance and that resulting in wasting their expensive fragrances. Others were not prepared to share their best kept secrets by revealing the fragrance they use to create that scent that has become their trademark.

I've been thinking of how much a perfume, or fragrance can be quite symbolic of our lives.

Think about how valuable we are as people. How expensive we are. How much was paid for our salvation. How much time was spent in the process of forming us, and what creativity and skill had to be employed to make each of us unique. Our looks, our characteristics, special talents and abilities all culminate to make us who we are and results in us having a special fragrance to bring to the world.

And of course, like most fragrances, we wont appeal to everyone. To some we will be a cheap daily fragrance, while to others we will be that unique fragrance that is saved for special occasions. Some of us might be a more easily accessible fragrance while others might be that rare fragrance that needs to be sought out and discovered after tons of others have been tested prior to us.
And the sad truth is that to some, we might really end up being that fragrance that causes an uncomfortable rash on the skin. hahaha...

Most interesting to me about fragrances is that almost all fragrances have something in common. Every fragrance goes through almost the same process in order to be most effective and produce their specific smell.

Irrespective of the bottle - the outer presentation, or the value of the fragrance. The actual fragrance is only released when some pressure is applied to the nozzle. And before this can happen, sometimes the bottle needs to be stripped of its lid". Depending on the design of the bottle, and the desired amount of fragrance you would like to release, more or less pressure may required. This reminds me of a scripture - "To whom much is given, Much is required".

What is the fragrance inside of you? Have you realised your worth? Do you realise the people you need to serve. Have you identified the people around you who need you and see you as irreplaceable? Has it dawned on you that there are certain spheres where you add a unique fragrance?

Or have you become too focussed on the "pressure"?

Your story, your experiences, all you've been through and all you've learnt has happened for a reason. it is so that what is inside of you can come out and be effective in your world. Your fragrance is needed. Inside of you is the solution to the "Smelly Armpits" around you.

You are valuable, you are precious and you are needed. Allow the pressure to release your fragrance.

Be encouraged,
D

The Stage - "a story about my journey"

I can feel that this one is going to probably speak to me more than anyone else but I'm sure someone out there needs it too... so here it goes.

Let me start by introducing the inspiration: Ladies and gentleman - please meet 'THE STAGE'.

This is not a familiar stage to anyone in my circle of friends and I haven't even been on this particular stage myself but while I was waiting for my class to start the other day, I just sat looking at this stage and had a few thoughts I thought I'd put down.

I've spent approximately 25 years of my life on a stage. Various stages actually. When I stood on a chair (on stage) to sing a Christmas carol at the age of 4, I never dreamed that I would grow up and spend a lifetime on stage and even lead worship on a huge stage in front of the Union Buildings with and orchestra and a crowd of thousands. Over the years, the stage has become a familiar place to me. For some reason I just don't manage to escape it.

I was blessed to learn quite early that most of the stages I would find myself on would not be just "A Stage" but rather "An Alter". A place of sacrifice where I would present God with the very gifts that He has given me. His Gifts - Not mine.

I have done my best to always walk worthy of the privilege of being on a stage. I have had to learn the hard lessons of not letting the stage define me. And although the stage can give a totally different impression of who I really am, I have had to learn how to find the balance to ensure that I am the same person both on and off stage.

It has been an incredible journey and before I knew it, I was like a fish in water on a stage. It soon became one of the few public places where I felt safest, most effective and full of purpose. It was a place where an amazing exchange would take place between God & I. As I would give all of me in service to Him, He would fill me, refresh me, comfort me, use me and empower me. I even "spotted" my wife from a stage.

And then one day

... I no longer had access to a particular stage which I had become so accustomed to.
The lights had died down, the music had faded and the crowd had disappeared and I felt a bit lost and out place. I felt like I was in an empty auditorium...

I felt like an actor who had just exited a stage in a play or show after his final performance. The difference though, was that I wasn't leaving with a standing ovation, or exhilarating exit music. No applause or pyrotechnics. No credits rolling and no time to pose for pictures with an Emmy award.
It was just OVER. My time had come to an end.

And so in what felt like a split second, my familiar place became a place I resented most. Hurt, pain and a whirlwind of emotions justified my desire to "NEVER want to get back up on a stage ever again". Not that specific stage, or any other. Every Stage in my life felt the effects. In my mind, a stage would never see me again.
I disappeared, I walked away and I hid. But I hid in an amazing place. A secret place. A place where I knew God was too. It was the other place He and I would always encounter each other besides "on stage". And in this place, some amazing things happened.

A look at some old phones reminded me of something mind blowing.

I remembered THE CALL. A higher calling. A call to worship, a call to reach others for Jesus, a call to live a life sold out for Him.

It's been approximately 9 months since the last time I was on an actual stage. But during that time I have still been on THE STAGE OF LIFE. I have still had eyes on me, I have still had opportunities to be effective, I have still had to live worthy of being CALLED and CHOSEN by God. I had to be the same Darren - But without the stage. Nine months is approximately the same amount of time a baby spends developing in the womb - so perhaps I have just been on "maternity leave", getting ready to give birth to something NEW.

I am ready to be obedient. I am ready to pay the price and I am ready for the role MY DIRECTOR has cast me in.

And I am determined to be my best - on a field, on a road, in a room or on a stage.

ALL I WANT TO DO IS WORSHIP YOU...

Be encouraged
D

The Sunburn Of Life

This post has sort of been brewing for a couple of days already but I believe the timing will be perfect anyway and it will be read when it is supposed to be.

I have been delaying purposefully because I wanted to get good pictures of this entire experience but I feel like I have enough now to share the lesson.

 Arlene and I have been dealing with “sunburn” since a recent outdoor fun day we attended at church. I spent the day before the event setting up and because I didn’t think that I would be out in the sun for a long time on the day, I didn’t apply any sunscreen and although I wore a hat and loads of sunscreen on the day of the event, it was already too late because I had “already been burnt”.

 

Arlene's forehead... mine looked similar

 

my arm - during the process of shedding skin

The next few days (nearly two weeks now) really got me thinking though, and as I watched the effects of the sunburn on my skin, I started noticing some similarities to life. Who would have thought that burning, then flaky, then peeling skin could teach one some very interesting lessons about life?

 

How many of us have been “BURNT” during our lifetime? Perhaps by people, or maybe by situations, or even decisions.

Sometimes we get burnt because we don’t do our research before we enter a situation. We don’t get a “weather forecast” so that we can plan adequately for what lies ahead.

 

At other times, we assume that we are “immune to getting burnt”. We don’t think certain things could happen to us. And so we just go in trusting that everything will work out all rosy.

Then there are times when we take for granted that someone else will provide some “protection”, so we don’t bother to take our own.

 The reality of life is that there will be times that we do get burnt. We will fail, we will make mistakes, we will make some wrong decisions and we will knock our heads. People will hurt or betray us and offences will come.

 It is important for us recover from these burns and to ensure that we go through the process of getting restored.

It really doesn’t matter how intense the burn is. The mere fact that we are still alive means that it is not the end of us yet.

After being sunburnt, my complexion changed quite a bit. I was a couple of shades darker than what I usually am. I had distinct tan lines on my arms. I didn’t feel very attractive, and preferred to stay out of company until I looked better. My forehead started peeling first and I was a bit embarrassed and thought people would think I’m dirty or have severe dandruff. But after a few days all the peeling had stopped and after a light scrub, there was no longer any signs of sunburn on my face.

 I can relate to that in life situations as well. A lot of times, after getting hurt or going through something “sore”, I’ve felt like hiding. My coping mechanism was – staying away or running. Often the wounds would show on my countenance. My joy would be low, my eyes wouldn’t  sparkle, and my smile would be a bit faded and fake.

 But just like after a short period of sunburn, eventually there is a change. All the old skin – the burnt skin- falls off and new skin starts to appear. This skin is always beautiful and feels so new; and for me it always has a lovely complexion too. It boosts my confidence again and before I know it, I am out there again and ready to take on the world. One of the most amazing feelings is realising that it isn't sore anymore whereas initially I could not even touch my skin because of the pain of the burns. Very similar to the initial pain we feel when our hearts have been hurt.

 

What has burnt you? What has tried to make you feel ugly, unworthy or even worthless?

Don’t allow it to keep you in a place of defeat. Face the sunburn, learn the lesson of applying sunscreen by guarding your heart. And perhaps use a good after sun treatment like forgiveness or a good chat to talk things through.

 You’ll see, the wounds will heal. The old, burnt skin will be gone soon and a new you will surface. Embrace the moments and be determined to not get burnt by the same situations again. Guard your heart and let go of resentment and bitterness and then get your joy back.

 Life burns, but God has provided the ultimate sunscreen. His Word, His Love, His Grace and His Mercy are all the ingredients available for us to protect ourselves, and to help heal us.

 Be encouraged.

 D