Something I can NEVER be.

She walked through the door yesterday and immediately commented on the lovely smell of food that dominated the whole house. It was one of my first attempts at making a meal that required some real cooking skills, and when she complimented me, I attributed the ability to make a good cabbage stew to my dad who had made it so often while I was growing up. As usual, I was sensitive to the fact that she no longer has a dad.

The conversation swiftly moved to something she was burning to share with me all day. Her eyes lit up (as they always do when she is passionate about something) as she literally preached a mini sermon to me about being "pregnant with purpose".  Every word she spoke resonated deep within me but I continuously found myself having to fight the distracting thoughts and questions that flooded my mind while I was trying to stay engaged in the conversation. Her beauty still captures me and my appreciation for her depth grows daily but a quick little chat like the one from last night leaves me in such awe of the helper God has chosen for me. 

Hours after I have meditated on her words which re-ignited purpose, I find myself pondering about the one question that often leaves me feeling a very familiar and insatiable emotion.
WHAT WOULD HER PARENTS THINK IF THEY SAW HER NOW? I ask myself this question so often and although I can never give a convincing answer that will put it to rest forever, I manage to gather up enough faith to know beyond the shadow of a doubt they would have no choice but to be nothing but exceptionally proud of the woman she is today. 

I am almost able to move on from that question quite easily but the sequel question keeps me meditative for a much longer period. WHAT WOULD THEY THINK OF ME?

She raises that discussion on numerous occasions when she misses them, and often our conclusions match whatever the mood is when we talk about it, but this time a new reality dawned on me.  I realise for the first time that there is a role in my life I will NEVER experience.  I will never be a "SON-IN-LAW".  That feeling leaves me feeling a bit incomplete.

I can't help but wonder what kind of Son-in-Law I would have been to her parents.  Would I have won her mom's heart? Would I have earned her dad's respect?  Would I behave differently in certain situations if the daily mom and daughter chats or weekend trips to her folks was commonplace? Would I work harder to prove myself worthy of the honour of loving her (my wife) as Christ loves the church? Would I be intimidated by the knowledge that daddy is watching to see how I treat his little girl and would I be working endlessly at preventing her mom from uttering words of disapproval in her choice of a husband?

While I do live with an awareness that she is God's daughter first, and He is always watching; a part of me still feels a bit robbed of an opportunity to make my mark in an area so many strive to please in.  Though it seems at times that the eyes of the world are watching to see how I fair as a husband, I will never experience the affirmation I have worked to attain since I was still just a boy.  The lovely remarks from moms with available daughters and the invites to braais from dads who wanted to check me out as a potential candidate for their princesses was but only a foretaste of the accolades I was determined to earn. 

I am a great brother, a model son, a selfless friend... and tons of other ego-inflating titles have been bestowed upon me as a result of my interaction with people, but I will never wear the feather in my "son-in-law cap".  And when I see that she has no real parental connection with any of her other family members, the reality sets in and my awesome responsibility becomes reiterated. 

My only - and I mean ONLY obligation is to God! My love for my wife is my worship and service to Him.  It encompasses all of what He has created me to be, all of what He has called me to do, and all of what He has equipped me with in order to be the man He has needs me to be. 

I will never be a SON-IN-LAW; but I will always be a SON-IN-GRACE.  Amazing Grace!  The kind of Grace that empowers me with all it takes to be all I am meant to be... And without the pressure of having to be a son-in-law; I have no excuse. I have to be the best Son-in-Grace I could possibly be.

Today I have a new goal to add to my list of life goals. Help me Jesus!

 Be inspired;
D